Hello Picture Book Builders! Today is super exciting because it’s the day I welcome my 10th picture book into the world! I WISH THAT YOU KNEW is illustrated by the incredible Alyssa Russell, published by Little Bee Books, and is out in the world TODAY!
I am celebrating another milestone as well. This summer marks exactly 10 years since I started writing books for children. In the summer of 2016, I attended my first SCBWI conference in NJ, and it was there that I attended author Lori Degman’s session on writing picture books in rhyme. In that moment, I just KNEW that I’d finally (FINALLY after 42 years!) found the thing I was meant to do in this world. It took me another four years before I sold my first book and another year after that to find an agent, but now, here I am, at age 52, celebrating TEN rhyming picture books published (and 8 more on the way…so far!). It has truly been an amazing roller-coaster-y journey, but one I wouldn’t trade for anything. Thank you all for being such a huge part of it!
I WISH THAT YOU KNEW is probably my most personal book to date. It began as a poem I wrote to my Grandma Charlotte, my Gram, who was also my best friend, about a decade after her passing in 2013. At the time, I had been thinking about how much she had missed in the years she’d been gone. She didn’t live long enough to see me reinvent myself as a children’s book author and poet. Even more tragic was that she didn’t get to witness my two beautiful boys grow into even more beautiful young men. I also was thinking about how so many of the things I now love (Broadway musicals, reading mystery novels, playing Mah Jongg, eating homemade lasagna, purple hydrangeas, etc.), were things she introduced to me as a child and teenager. But mostly, I was thinking about how her unconditional support and wise tough-love advice over the years, without question, have shaped how I view the world and myself in it.
And so… I did what I do. I wrote a poem. And that poem has now incredibly – magically — become a book. It is about a little girl celebrating the love and joyful relationship she shared with her grandmother, and takes place during the grandmother’s unveiling, a Jewish ceremony that takes place on the one-year anniversary of a loved one’s passing.
I was so grateful that Alyssa Russell signed on to be the illustrator of this book. I am blown away by her ability to portray so much emotion – sadness and loss, but also joy and love – and moments of humor as well. And all in an accessible, kid-friendly way. I am thrilled that Alyssa is here to answer a few questions for us about her part in the making of this book. Welcome, Alyssa!
RGL: Do you remember what made you say “yes” to illustrating I WISH THAT YOU KNEW?
AR: The topic of loss and grief was something I had never been able to explore in a picture book before this one, though it’s been on my mind since college more than five years ago. I even attempted to write my own manuscript about mourning for my senior thesis, but at the time, the story and emotions felt too personal to fully pursue.
When I WISH THAT YOU KNEW arrived in my inbox, I immediately felt that this was an opportunity to explore grief through illustration. After losing my mom to cancer in 2017, I’ve experienced many moments of “I wish that you knew…” in my own life. The manuscript resonated deeply with my memories of that first year of grief and the years that followed. I often catch myself wishing she could see the person I’ve become and the books I’ve had the privilege to illustrate. I knew I could pour those emotions into this project, so saying “yes!” felt natural to me.
RGL: Not sure if you know this, but my favorite color is purple, so I am absolutely in love with the color palette you chose. I’m not an artist, so I’m always so curious how illustrators make decisions regarding color, and also about what mediums and tools they use. In other words, can you share a little bit about your physical process and how this gorgeousness was created?
AR: Purple is my favorite color as well! The purple palette first emerged from the line, “Tulips and lilacs remind me of you.” I remember staring intently at references of lilacs and feeling compelled to let hints of purple creep into nearly every page. On a less conscious level, I also think I associated cooler colors with deeper emotions. Blue is often connected to sadness, but purple felt more hopeful while still honoring the seriousness of the story. As for the mediums and tools, I painted many of the textures traditionally in watercolor and then overlaid them onto digital paintings created in Procreate on the iPad. I felt that the soft, dreamy washes of color worked beautifully with the themes of memory and remembrance.
RGL: What was your favorite part about illustrating I WISH THAT YOU KNEW? What was your biggest challenge?
AR: My favorite part about illustrating I WISH THAT YOU KNEW was capturing our bubbe character’s many expressions and the feeling that she was present in memory, even if she was no longer physically there. I enjoyed rendering her somewhat faded, wispy form in contrast with her lively expressions.
The biggest challenge for me was illustrating such a heavy message in a way that still felt lighthearted and appropriate for a child audience. My first round of sketches leaned too heavily into sadness and focused mostly on the main character’s grief-stricken expressions. Once I shifted the focus more toward remembrance, strength, and community rooted in Jewish tradition, the illustrations began to flow much more naturally.
RGL: Which is your favorite spread and why?
AR: This is a hard one! I really loved drawing the garden spread with the cousins playing and our main character’s sweet, subtle expression. The lighting in that scene was especially fun to illustrate.
Another favorite is the spread where our main character walks to the gravestone alongside her bubbe. When the page turns, she is standing alone, but smiling, showing how she has come to a place of greater acceptance in her grief throughout the year.
RGL: That’s my favorite spread as well. I cry every time I get to it.
And now, my favorite question to ask my guests: What is one question no one has yet to ask you about the making of this book that you would love to answer? (And what’s the answer?!)
AR: No one has really asked how much of my own experience made its way into the illustrations. Many of the small gestures, expressions, and quiet moments were inspired by emotions I’ve felt during my own experiences with grief. Sometimes grief makes you want to withdraw and be alone; other times, you feel carried by the support of your community. There were days when I was grieving while laughing and joking with friends, and others when I found myself walking alone, quietly revisiting memories.
I felt a deep personal connection to the way this story portrays grief as something far more complex than sadness alone. I was also moved by the book’s thoughtful depiction of the traditional unveiling ceremony, represented in a way I had never before seen in a children’s book. It was truly an honor to illustrate this text.
RGL: I can’t even express to you how happy I am that you said yes to this project, Alyssa. Your art is so beautiful. I am so grateful. Thanks for sharing more of your process with us today.
And yes, dear readers, THERE IS A GIVEAWAY!
I would be honored to send one of you a copy of I WISH THAT YOU KNEW. To enter, just leave a comment below and I’ll announce the winner on my next post, scheduled for Sept. 8th.
Alyssa Russell (she/her) is an illustrator living in Austin, TX, and a graduate of Ringling College of Art and Design. She is passionate about the use of fantasy as a medium for emotional expression through heartfelt characters and meaningful narratives. Alyssa is aesthetically drawn to light, gesture, and expressive use of texture stemming from her love of vintage illustrators such as Hilary Knight, Garth Williams, and Maurice Sendak. When she is not illustrating she can be found reading fiction, learning Spanish, or doodling for fun in her sketchbook.
I loved this book from the moment I read the first page. The walk through grief and remembering created a tender and loving story for children and the adults reading to them. Congratulations on another stunning picture book, Rebecca.